Monday, September 9, 2019

The Amazing, Disappearing Dr. Z

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After many proclamations that I'm here for good and that I'll be blogging regularly ...


I'm gone for two weeks. What can I say? School started on August 27th, followed by Labor Day Weekend. In CUNY (City University of New York) Land, last Thursday was a Monday schedule, so that meant that I was at work and then in class at night. I spent the last two weeks organizing my schedule, reading, and doing a whole bunch of assignments that seemed to be due one right after the other. I haven't been to the gym in over a week, forget about blogging. 

Today is the first day that my schedule is normal. Aside from upcoming holidays, my life should be much more stable and predictable in the next few months -- something I desperately need and want. As I'm getting older, I really depend on a daily and weekly routine. I like knowing what I'm doing and where I'm going to be. It helps me organize the things that I need to do and those that I want to do. Ed calls me an enigma because, as much as I thrive on change, I need the security of everyday rituals. Perhaps this is why change has never really scared me? I know that my daily routines will be the same no matter what craziness is swirling around me. They keep me grounded and focused, and they help me deal with the unpredictable.

So how have I been? Awesome. This summer was one of introspection, healing, and grounding. For the first time in years, I feel like myself again. And for the first time in decades, I feel like I'm doing what I'm meant to do. I'm really content and happy. My job at Princeton is unbelievably wonderful. I love what I'm doing and I work with incredibly smart, nice, and generous people. I'm learning a lot! Yes, waking up at 4:00 in the morning is rough, but it is SO worth it! As for school, so far so good. I know that I'm going to love my archive and reference classes. This career change was the best thing I have ever done. EVER. There's much more to tell you, dear readers, but I only have so much space in a little blog post. Just know that I'm ok, like really ok. It took awhile.

Saturday's Outfit
Oh gosh, I'm back to my "normal" self in SO many ways. I'm cooking a LOT more, going to the gym, and taking my Saturdays to do fun stuff instead of work or chores. Hell, I'm even dressing more like my old spooky self ... yes, with a retro-vintage flair! I feel like snake shedding its skin. The skin I've been wearing helped me hide so that I could return into myself and heal. It's hard to explain, but opting for comfort over fashion was a way for me to blend so that I could focus on my emotional and mental states. 

Let's face it, I haven't really been ok since my Mom died. And the will, lawsuit, house sale, dissertation, academic job hunt, Texas, and my operation REALLY screwed me up. Talk about trial by fire! And let me tell you, it was like my ENTIRE existence went up in smoke before my eyes. In a short few years, almost everything I knew and loved disappeared. POOF! Gone. And it's taken me this long to come to terms with it all and to start the REAL healing. There were times when I thought I was going crazy and that everything that was happening was because I did something "wrong." I'm realizing now that 1. people die and that's natural, 2. sometimes what you want isn't what you need, 3. people -- including family -- can suck, and 4. the Universe will always guide you back home, that is if you listen. 

So, here we are. I'm rambling on about life and healing in a post that was intended to be an outfit post! HAHAHAHAHA! Some things never change, and well, I'm glad. Oh, you want to know more about the above outfit? I wore this outfit on Saturday. We weren't really doing anything special and that's ok. It has been so cool and perfect here in NYC that I have been wearing a lot of transitional clothing. Yes, I'm wearing tights and a velvet skirt! HUZZAH! And look -- REAL SHOES. No sandals. No bare feet. No sneakers. REAL MARY JANES!!! YAY! And they're Halloween Kitty Cat Mary Janes to boot. The blouse is wonderfully silky, sheer fabric from Hell Bunny. I'm not sure if you can see it, but the print is tarot cards. 

I'm happy to report that my hair is growing out nicely. Remind me to NEVER, EVER cut it that short again. While I keep getting compliments, I honestly can't deal with it. I miss my ponytail and bangs. Soooo ... yeah, it's growing. And look, I finally have wrinkles around my eyes! CRAZY. My 47th birthday was a bit of a mind-bend, that's for sure. It finally dawned on me that I'm middle aged. MIDDLE AGED. WOW! Again, crazy.

Until next time, onwards and upwards!

Outfit Rundown:
Blouse and shoes: Unique Vintage
Skirt: QVC
Stockings: Target
Earrings: gift from Ed


  1. You look confident and amazing! Drastic change in life can really mess with our minds. Im happy that you finally have a job that gives you both satisfaction and salary.

  2. "1. people die and that's natural, 2. sometimes what you want isn't what you need, 3. people -- including family -- can suck, and 4. the Universe will always guide you back home, that is if you listen. "

    Omg, I hear you! I'm going thru a similar thing. Not a people death, but a massive grieving process all the same. You inspire me <3 <3 <3

    1. Aw, thanks, Trystan. It's been a wild ride that doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon. that's for sure.

  3. You look so happy! It's inspiring to see you come out the other side of all this with such strength and wisdom :)

  4. Schedules (I never thought of them as rituals but that totally works!) are SO important to me. They really do provide a solid foundation for all the crazy in life.

    1. I'm probably going to be writing a lot more about schedules/rituals in the upcoming weeks. It's the only thing that seems to keep me anchored. Well, that and the seasons.

  5. OMG I just ordered that blouse yesterday!! It looks great! Those shoes are adorable too!
    It's so good to see you look so happy, and that you are getting back to yourself. You've been through a lot, in a short period of time. I'm glad you're finding yourself again.

    1. PS: The blouse washes really well. Just hand-wash and hang dry. And thank you.